I'm Okay

I know that my last post I felt like a mess, but I am feeling quite a bit better. I have a meeting with my doctor on Monday where we will discuss options for my back. I already got a sneak preview call with his nurse, and her options were having the same surgery again, or some injection. I have had injections into my spine twice now, and I would like to not have anymore, but if it helps, that's good. And it would be better than having surgery again... as long as it worked. But I just want to quickly say my spirits are up since the other day.

Other matters real quick like, since I have to be up at 7. The whole horror movie a day thing is just not going to work. I don;t have enough time between work, sleep, and other TV shows. So basically I'm just going to watch what I can when I can. It will probably not be 31 movies, but it will be enough for the spirit to be there. Besides, why make it a job and force myself to watch a horror movie when I'm too tired or just not in the mood. Movies are to be enjoyed. I am not a paid critic, so I still get to just have fun with them.

But so far here is what we have watched (that I remember). 1) Last House on the Left (remake) 2)Laid 2 Rest 3) Paranormal Activity (that movie along with the stress of the other day literally kept me up all night long the other night) 4)Body Parts 5) Troll 2. That's it so far, and it is now the 8th. I thought about watching the Dawn of the Dead remake tonight since it features Ty Burrell, who is in what is so far my favorite new series, Modern Family, which came on tonight. Just thought it would make sense to put that on. Alas, I wound up getting on the interwebs and getting sucked into technology gadget tech-y stuff I know next to nothing about.

For example, Verizon (my carrier) has what is called the MiFi, an portable wireless modem. Pretty much take it with you anywhere Verizon provides coverage, and you are always in your own little personal hot spot. But I think you have to have Verizon's wireless service, and they charge by how much you use. And since I play online games on XBox, stream movies through Netflix, and watch various other youtube clips, I have no idea how much their service would cost me. Probably way more than would be in my means. I think that;s how it works.

But when I get into something like that, I just keep digging, and the Daily Show winds up being paused in the DVR for a couple of hours. Then I look at the new fancy phones, and wonder if I could sweet talk them into the deals they offer new customers. Things like that. Then I realize that I don't have any freakin money! But whatever. I have always been a tech junkie, and even though it has gotten to the point where I feel like the old man who doesn't know how to program a VCR or work a remote, I grew up loving sci-fi movies. And even though I will probably never even handle or use half this stuff, it's still cool to me. It sounds nerdy, but the rate that technology is increasing is not only scary, but It is interesting for me. When I see that some company has come up with some super device that does something super rad, I will probably blather on about how rad it looked, but in my heart of hearts I know I won't ever have one, and I;m cool with that, It;s just seeing it in action that makes me feel like a little boy.

And don;t even get me started on what I heard about the new Sony 3D TVs that are supposed to drop next year that they showed at the Fantastic Fest. I only heard about it. But here is how it will work. I will talk about it forever, about how awesome it looks, and how I saw it over at Best Buy or Frys and it was super sweet, annoy the fuck out of everybody about it because I won't shut up about it, and that's it. I'll maybe get one a few years after they are out, but not until I have the cash to pay for it all upfront and still be in a fine place financially.

I will never (and I know people say "Never say never", but I mean this) get another credit card as long as I live. I'll use my bank charge card, but never again a credit card. Those complained can all go screw themselves. And if you are saying "well, no credit is worse than bad credit", I don;t give a shit. I'm not paying any company stupid ass interest rates that they can change at any time they like. Aaaaaand now I'm starting to talk financial, which is what my other blog, Two Guys Eating A Doo-Doo Sandwich, is all about. Money.

Okay, time for bed now. I think I'm sleepy enough to not be spooked awake all night. But if I am, maybe I'll throw a quick entry over at McBroke.

I Feel Like a Mess

I cried today for the first time in I don't know how long.

I went to the doctor today for a CT Myelogram to figure out why I am still having the same pain in my leg that my surgery was supposed to fix.  They stuck a needle into my nerve sack and injected dye.  They then did some X-Rays of my spine.  After that they stuck me in the CT scan machine for more images.  Then I hung out with my lovely love of my life and watched Price is Right (it always seems to be on while recovering at the doctor) and some Wife Swap before being wheeled to the doctor's office to look at my spinal sack.

I re-herniated my disk.  I went through a surgery, and all I got was one pleasant fucking day before the shit re-herniated. He told me of what options my regular doctor will give me when I see him on monday.  Basically, do the same surgery again, or have the disk removed and fuse the vertebrae together.  Still, another surgery.  When I found out it re-herniated, I almost lost it right there, but I held it together.  They wheeled me out, I joked a bit, we drove away, and I broke down.  Holly was the best and held my hand the whole way home, giving me loving support.

I am so sick of taking pain pills, but there is no way around it.  The last batch I had, Oxycodone, actually worked the best, but apparently changed my personality too much where I was a rambling, chatty way-too happy guy.  Once I realized that they were altering my personality enough for people to comment about it, I flushed them away.  Now I'm back on Hydrocodone, which barely works.  I combine that with Ibuprofin and some nerve drug I was prescribed that's normally used for seizure prevention.  So yeah, drugs, drugs, drugs.

Not to mention I can't do shit.  Physically I am not allowed to do anything.  My girlfriend just painted our bathroom all by herself.  She has also done a shit-ton of work on the yard because, guess what, we would like to live in a nice looking place, and our roommate, who doesn't even have a job, can't even do the dishes.  I would like to help with the yard and other projects.  I have ideas for the backyard that I can't even start because I can't even lift a fucking rock.  Apparently the only kind of projects I can work on are ones like this, that only require the use of my fingers.  I'll probably have to cancel our bands show later this month.  I'll probably have to drop out of Race for the Cure, depending on when I have surgery and what the recovery time is.

Worst of all, my last surgery used up all my sick and most all my vacation time.  This means that another surgery would use the last of my vacation, then I'm on FMLA pay, which is 60% of my pay.  When you are making less than 9.50 an hour, this sucks bad.  Not to mention I just created a whole budget (which you can read about here) so I can start a savings account, which I have never had, and get my  girlfriend the birthday present I want to get her.  Of course she says that she doesn't want or need anything for her birthday or Christmas, but for fuck sake I am trying so hard here to make things possible, and it probably means more to me than to her for me to just be able to give her a decent birthday present because she deserves it.  She has been so good to me and I don't know how I could have ever gotten so lucky.  And then this happens and it will probably throw it all in the shitter.

Is this what depression is?  I feel like the only thing keeping me sane and grounded right now is Holly.  I swear all day today I just felt like crying, and I'm holding it together for her because I hate her seeing me like this.  I know I am lucky.  If I had nothing else I would be a lucky man for having Holly in my life.  And no, I'm not forgetting all my precious pets.  But man, I sometimes just find it hard to just be.  Sometimes I'm just full of self loathing.  I don't know how to explain it.  And at the same time, I feel like the biggest crybaby tool on the planet, and should just man up and realize that there are tons of people that have it worse than me.  That is very true.  I have a home.  I have no debt.  I just need to stop making stupid instant decisions like subscribing to DirecTV with NFL Sunday Ticket plus the extra Super Fan pass, or spending thirty dollars on a movie poster when it's nowhere near my birthday, and I'm trying to build a savings for a future that's more important than any limited memorabilia.

It's almost 2 in the morning, I've taken two hydrocodone,  I have to be up at 7 in the morning for work, and I don't care.  I can't sleep.  I just feel bad that the light of the laptop and the pitter-patter om me typing on the keyboard are probably disturbing her slumber.  And even though she is off tomorrow, nobody deserves to have their slumber disturbed.

The ironic thing is this is probably only going to be read by the person I wouldn't want reading it.

I'm just sick of the pain.

Really, HitFix? (Written by 12-Year Old AOL-er)

JUST B/C TH3Y DOUBLAD TEH MOUNT OF NOMIEN3S FOR BST PICTUR3 AT DA OSCARS DO3SNT MEAN DISTRICT 9 OR STAR TREK HAS A CHANCE NOW?!??!!!!! FOR RAAL?!!??!!? WTF STAR TRAK WAS DUMBR THAN A SAK OF POTA2ES AND DISTRICT 9 WHIEL BNG V3RY GOD WAS IN NO WAY GOD ENOUGH FOR ANYTHNG BUT A BST VISUAL EF3CTS AWARD!11!!!1!! OMG THEYRE W3R3 WAY 2 MANY LITLA ANOYANCAS FOR TAHT MOVEI 2 B BST PICTUR3!111!11!! WTF BASICALY S3TLA DOWN NARDS!!1!1!1! OMG LOL U (W3) HAD OUR DAY WHEN R3TURN OF TEH KNG 2K AVERYTHNG BSIEDS!111!1!11 LOL SHUD ANYONE RILLY GIEV A SHIT ABOUT AWARDS ANYMORE ANYWAYS??!!?? LOL DOES DA FACT TAHT MAH BLODY VAELNTIEN 3D WONT G3T NOMINAETD FOR A SNGLE AWARD MEAN SI ANY LES OF A MOVEI 2 MA?????? LOL OF COURSE NOT BUT!!!!1!111 WTF LOL STIL DISTRICT 9 AND STAR TR3K R TEH FURTHEST THNG FROM BST PICTURA MOVEIS!!!!11111 OMG WTF L3T IT GO !1!1! OMG WTF

Courtesy of The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator

Really, HitFix?

Just because they doubled the amount of nominees for Best Picture at the Oscars doesn't mean District 9 or Star Trek has a chance now? For real? Star Trek was dumber than a sack of potatoes, and District 9 while being very good, was in no way good enough for anything but a Best Visual Effects award. There were way too many little annoyances for that movie to be Best Picture. Basically, settle down, nerds. You (we) had our day when Return of the King took everything.

Besides, should anyone really give a shit about awards anymore anyways? Does the fact that My Bloody Valentine 3D won't get nominated for a single award mean is any less of a movie to me? Of course not.

But still, District 9 and Star Trek are the furthest thing from Best Picture movies. Let it go.

October 1, Movie 1

This will be short and sweet because I am seriously about to fall asleep I am so exhausted. I wasn't sure I would make it through the movie. So her e we go in five sentences or less.

Last House on the Left remake.

Better than I was expecting.

Not as raw and mean as original.

Still has uncomfortable rape scene (rape scenes are my sore spot).

Despite Hollywood-ized changes, had fun ending.

I give it 3 and a half skulls (because that is the scary, cool, evil Halloweeny way to rate movies), out of five. By the way, it is just about near impossible to get a 5 out of 5 with me. Your movie better be PERFECT. I just saw some video game reviews that were like "It was great, despite this little flay and the not quite perfect AI. I give it 100%. WHAT?!? If you ever have to use the word flay, it is not 100%, especially on a scale of 100, you fools.

I hope to figure out this Mac stuff real soon and my future reviews may be in video podcast form on this here site. We shall see.

Until tomorrow!